Becoming James Black Read online

  Maw Maw has come to town from Fort Worth and is planning on staying for a few weeks before heading back. She’s retired and we don’t see her as often as we want to, so I’m glad she’s staying. She walks out onto the deck with the help of her cane and sits in the lounger next to the hammock. The sun is setting and the breeze from the water is actually nice.

  Momma follows after a bit with a tray of lemonade and tiny sandwiches. She smirks at us as her feet hit the deck. “I brought food since I know you two wouldn’t be coming up to get it.” She smiles at us both and the love she has for us is undeniable. After she sets the tray down, Da calls her name and as she turns, he yanks her hand. She tumbles onto the hammock with us in a fit of giggles. After some maneuvering, we’re all three snuggled into the hammock and watch the sky change colors as the sun sets on my twelfth birthday.

  It’s a picture perfect day.

  * * *

  Maw Maw is taking me swimming today at the community pool so Momma and Da can head across town to look at a camper they saw for sale in the paper. They kiss me five times before they load into the car and only leave because I shove them away laughing. “You act like you’re never going to see me again. You are coming back, aren’t you?”

  They laugh and Da calls out, “We’ll always come home to you, wee dote. You’re the best thing in our life, Rose. We love you.”

  I smile. I know they love me. They love me and they love each other. I want love like that when I’m old enough.

  I wave them off and call out, “I love y’all, too!” as they back into the street.

  We spend four hours at the pool before Maw Maw finally makes me leave by telling me I’m turning pink and if we don’t leave now, I’m going to resemble a crawfish. Moaning, I get out and after drying off, we head back to her car and turn toward home. Maw Maw has the radio on and we’re listening to the oldies when a traffic report comes over the air waves. “Traffic is backed up for three miles. The tanker truck broadsided a car and flipped it before both burst into flames. Police and firemen are at the scene, but the road is closed and traffic is being rerouted. We have no report of injuries or the fate of the people in the vehicles at this time. Avoid Main if you are able.”

  Maw Maw says, “I’m glad that’s across town.” She looks at me as I lie back against the seat almost asleep. “Don’t fall asleep, ma fleur. We’ll be home in ten minutes. You can rest once we get into the house.”

  Nodding, I close my eyes and before I mean to, I’ve drifted to sleep.

  A soft voice in my ear wakes me. “Rose, we’re home. Come on, let’s get you inside and you can rest on the couch. You need some aloe on your shoulders. You’ve let that delicate skin burn and the sun has wiped you out. Come on, ma fleur. Let’s get those shoulders taken care of.”

  I follow her into the house and lie on the couch. Before she returns from the backyard with an aloe leaf, I’ve passed out.

  The voices I can barely hear, my Maw Maw’s painful wail, and the sound of something hitting the floor jolt me awake. Jumping off the couch, I run into the foyer where I see a policeman supporting Maw Maw and leading her to a chair while another apologizes profusely as he wrings his hands. Her cane is lying against the floor.

  As I walk over, I sense that something is very wrong. Maw Maw looks up at me and the lines on her face scare me. She looks haggard. She holds her hand out to me and I race the remaining distance across the room to claim it. “Maw Maw… Maw Maw, what’s wrong?”

  The policeman looks at me with sympathy. He faces Maw Maw and shakes his head at both of us. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

  Loss? What loss? What did we lose?

  I look at Maw Maw and she’s muttering as she squeezes my hands. “Rose. Oh my sweet Rose. Ma belle fleur. This can’t be. It can’t be true.”

  My blood ices in my veins. “What can’t be true, Maw Maw? What’s happened?”

  She looks at me as tears trace the wrinkles in her sunken cheeks. “They’re gone. Oh my baby, they’re gone.”

  What? Who’s gone? What is she talking about? I don’t understand. I need to understand.

  “What do you mean, Maw Maw? Who’s gone?”

  Her shaking hands cup my face as she lets a sob out. My stomach drops to my toes and I need to throw up as I read the answer in her eyes. I start to shake my head as if the motion alone will stop the words that she’s about to utter.

  “Your parents. My daughter… my baby… is gone.”

  My parents are gone? What does that mean? Of course they’re gone. They went to look at that camper earlier. They’ll be back soon. Of course they will. They’re just stuck in the traffic… from the wreck… the one on the radio from earlier…

  A scream bursts from my soul as I start to shake. “Noooooooo!” It can’t be true. It can’t. It’s a mistake. Momma and Da are just stuck in the traffic. They’ll be home soon. They have to be home soon.

  I whisper, “Da?! Momma?!”

  Maw Maw shakes her head as another sob wracks her small body. Throwing my arms around her, I bury my face in her neck and cry until I have no tears left. We hold each other as the sounds of our broken hearts fill the house.

  The house that my parents will never walk into again. This morning, I pushed my parents, the two people who mean the most to me in the world, away with a laugh and told them they acted like they’d never see me again. And now… now, they won’t. My parents are gone.

  Dead.

  Da said they’d always come home to me… He promised…

  He lied…

  He made a promise he couldn’t keep. What happens to me now?!

  Chapter Four

  Jaye

  Near Fort Worth, Texas

  1990

  I’m sitting in the back of the cop car, scowling. I’m not sorry. He deserved it.

  “Jaye… again? Why do you keep doing this, son?” Sam’s weary voice comes from outside the open door of the cop car.

  I scowl at him. “That asshole deserved it. He was picking on the baby. She’s five! He called her names and took her bear. He purposely made her cry. He’s a bastard! He deserved it! Let me out and I’ll wail on his ass some more!”

  Sam runs his hands down his face as he looks at the house and then at me. “They’re pressing charges on you, Jaye. This is serious, son. They say you attacked him unprovoked…”

  I look at him in stupification and try to talk, but he holds his hand up, stopping me.

  “I know you wouldn’t hit someone unprovoked and I don’t doubt that he deserved it, but he’s their child, Jaye. You broke his nose.” Sam is rubbing his beard as he looks at the couple on the stairs to the dilapidated house. They are gesturing wildly at the car I’m sitting in and the woman is shrieking and screaming profanities at me.

  I roll my eyes. “He deserves to have more than his nose broken!” I laugh harshly. “They all need their asses handed to them.

  “Those people should not be allowed to have children in their home. They let him torture the kids. They laugh as he makes them cry. They’re all assholes.”

  I swear I see Sam smirk before he schools his face. He looks at me crossly. “Regardless, you can’t do that. They’re running out of places to put you, Jaye. You lasted longer than most here. I know it’s hard and it sucks that you’re in the system, but they’re doing the best they can. You aren’t helping though.”

  “Yeah well, none of these foster families are worth a shit. All they care about is the money the state sends them. They don’t give a flying fuck about the kids. I can take care of myself. But, I’m not going to let them bully the younger kids! I’ll break every asshole’s nose if I have to.” I glare at him, daring him to argue with me.

  He sighs again. “I wish you wouldn’t cuss like that. You’re barely fourteen, Jaye, and you cuss like a drunken sailor.”

  I laugh harshly. “Yeah, like anyone cares how I talk. No one gives a shit about me. All they care about is the money I get them.”

  Sam pierces me with his eyes
. “That’s bullshit, Jaye! I care about you!”

  I instantly feel bad. I know he does. He always has. He’s even applied to the courts for guardianship of me, but they’ve refused him three times. He has no family and is a cop who works sixty hour weeks. They’ve said we’re not a good fit and he doesn’t have the means or resources to take on a “troubled kid.”

  He’s probably the only person in the world who gives a shit about me and he is the only person in the world I care about.

  I answer him, “I wish they’d let me live with you.”

  He looks at me and frowns. “Yeah, well, I’ve tried. I’ll keep trying, but they think they know what’s best. They don’t know shit.

  “At least with me, you wouldn’t be shuffled from home to home every few months.” He hits his leg with his clenched fist before he looks at me again. “There’s nothing we can do about that. It sucks, but we’ve tried every angle. They won’t approve me as your guardian, so all I can do is stay on you and make sure you’re ok in whatever home they place you in.

  “You know you can come to me with anything, right? You can call me anytime, Jaye. I’m always here for you. You’re a good kid underneath that hard head and temper, but the courts are not helping that any.” He pinches the bridge of his nose and we both watch the official Child Services car come to a stop on the dirt packed road. The door opens and she gets out. Her pursed red lips give away her mood.

  He mutters, “This is going to be fun.” She opens the door and stalks over to us.

  She points to me. “This is the last straw, Jaye. I’ve just been told you attacked their son for no reason. You physically harmed him! In front of the other children…” She’s glaring. “Is this true?”

  Yeah, like she really cares about the answer. I shrug. “Yeah, I hit him. He deserved it. He was bullying a child and they let him. Someone needed to take up for her, so I did.”

  She grumbles under her breath, but we can hear her. “Dear lord, I can’t do anything for this boy. I’m at my wits’ end. No remorse…”

  I roll my eyes again. No, I’m not remorseful for teaching a pansy ass bully who picks on kids a lesson. Someone needed to and it just happened to be me. Besides, it’s not like she’s really surprised. She labelled me as “hopeless” a long time ago.

  She leans into the car and gets in my face. “This is the last shot you’re going to get, Jaye. There are no other families that will take you. This is it.

  “I’m bringing you to a farm forty miles away. It’s secluded and in a small town, but maybe that’s what you need. They have a lot of foster children and most are around your age. This is it!

  “When you’re eighteen, we can turn you loose and then you’re on your own and can get arrested as often as you like, but until then, you are a ward of the state and that means you’re my responsibility. You need to last there for the next four years! If you don’t… you’re going to a group home for troubled youths.” She sighs and looks away before she turns back. Her face is pinched, but her eyes actually show worry. “I don’t want that for you, Jaye. That’s a last resort and I don’t want to do that to you.” She pins me with her eyes and her lips pinch, making the dark red crease. It creeps me out. “Don’t make me, Jaye!”

  Suddenly, the reality that this is my last shot hits me. I have to make a real effort to have this one work out… no matter what.

  I can’t go to a group home. I’ve heard the stories. I’m not doing that. I’d kill someone.

  I nod. “Yes, Ma’am.” Her brows arch with her surprise. “I will try my best. This time I’ll stay. I’ll make it work.”

  She doesn’t look convinced.

  I sit straight and stare at her and her creepy red lips. “I swear. I’ll be on my best behavior.”

  I see Sam over her shoulder and he’s staring at me. He’s chewing on his lip and he looks really worried. I nod at him. He smiles back, but I can see the apprehension in his eyes.

  She stands back and gestures for me to get out of the car. I do and Sam claps my shoulder. I look up at him. I’ve grown quite a bit over the past year and I’m almost as tall as he is now. He squeezes my shoulder that is now padded with light muscle. “Jaye, please be safe. Be polite and respectful, but don’t lose your fire. You’re going to be a great man. I know it. You have the potential to change the world, son.” He pulls me in for a quick hug. I hug him back before quickly stepping back. He leans down and says one last thing, “I’m going to check in, but if you ever need me, you call me. I mean it, ok?”

  I nod. I know he means it. But, I’ll never call him. Calling him would mean I counted on him and I’ve learned that I can’t count on anyone but myself.

  He steps back and she gestures to her car. I walk toward it as she heads to the steps of the house to grab my meager possessions. As she gets back to the car, she hands me the bag and I check the contents as she starts the car. She puts the car in drive as I realize something is missing. I call out, “Wait! Stop!”

  Her foot hits the brake and she meets my gaze in her rearview mirror. Sam walks over and she rolls the window down. He leans in. “What’s wrong?”

  She waves her hand and says, “Jaye says something is missing.”

  I nod. “Mr. Patches. He’s not in the bag. He’s got to still be in the house.”

  Sam’s expression darkens and he nods as he pivots on his heel. He calls behind him, “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

  He marches to the house and we can hear him ask them where the bear is. They shake their heads vehemently but I can hear him through the open window. “It’s his possession and he’s not leaving without it. Either you can go into the house and get it or I can, but either way, he’s not leaving without that bear.”

  The woman’s face pales and she scurries into the house. A few minutes later, she walks out holding it by its tattered arm. She holds it out to Sam and mutters, “It’s trash. It’s just a disgusting old bear. Like it really would have mattered if he’d left without it.”

  Sam cradles the bear gently in his large hands as he stares at them coldly. The son cowers behind his father as he holds a rag to his still bleeding nose. The rage in Sam’s voice is palpable as he speaks clearly and loudly. “It would have mattered very much, as you know, which is why you tried to keep it from him.

  You’re an evil bitch and I’ll be back. I’ll be checking in on these kids and should I hear one peep that any one of them is being bullied or mistreated by anyone,” he looks around at the trio, “in this house, I’ll have all of the children and all of the money yanked before you can blink. Tu comprendes?”

  All three gasp as he strolls off. I watch the woman wring her hands as the husband and son glare at me. I glare back.

  Sam approaches the car and hands me Mr. Patches. “Here you go. I’ll check in in a few days to make sure you’re settled, ok?”

  I nod as my throat feels tight. He cares about me so much. Why can’t the courts see that?! I should be living with him, not headed to yet another foster family.

  She once again puts the car in drive and I turn and watch Sam through the rear window until we turn onto the road and head out of town.

  Here we go. No matter what, this one has to work out. It’s my last shot.

  About an hour later, we pull off of the road onto a packed dirt road. It’s full of holes and the car bounces as we roll over them. I look out the window as my new home comes into view. It’s vast, that’s for sure. It looks run down though.

  There are cows out to pasture and brown fields. The grass is brown and looks dead, though it’s summer in Texas, so it’s hotter than Hell right now. The pasture with the cows is green though. They must have some irrigation. Finally, we come up to a house. It’s two stories and looks like it was quite grand at one time, though that time is long past. The porch is sagging and there’s a broken tractor that’s overrun with dead weeds. The barn looks nice though. It looks like that’s the one thing they take care of.

  Apparently the noise of our arrival tippe
d them off because as we park, a woman with dirty hair and a man with stained overalls come onto the porch. About ten kids come out of the barn. All are covered in hay and dirt. Great, I’m going to be slave labor.

  The man and woman paint a smile on and head down the steps to the car. As they reach us, I just sit and stare. Something doesn’t feel right here. None of the kids come over. They all just look at each other and then scowl at the car.

  The man opens her door and I see her red lips turn up as she steps out and greets them. “Hello.” She looks around and says, “You have an… er… lovely home.” She gestures to the backseat and calls to me, “Come on out, Jaye. Time to meet your new family.”

  Family. Ha, yeah right. These people are not my family. Those kids look miserable and hateful.

  Does that nasty woman know what shampoo is? Ugh, this is going to suck donkey balls.

  Dammit, Jaye! Suck it up! This is it. The only other option is a group home and you are not going there.

  You have to make this work.

  This WILL work. I’ll make it work.

  I smile and hold out my hand. “Hi, thanks for welcoming me into your home.”

  The man takes my hand and squeezes it. It’s not lost on me. He’s trying to assert his dominance. Great, he’s one of those dudes.

  Want me to whip out my dick, fucker, so we can compare?!

  Stop it, Jaye!

  She hands me my one bag and walks into the house, chattering to the couple as I trail behind them. As I reach the steps, I take a deep breath. This has to work. I only need three years here and then I’m free. Looking back towards the barn, I meet the gazes of the kids and I see anger there, but I also see fear and something that makes my skin crawl… I see hopelessness.

  This is not looking too good for me. Shaking that thought off, I head into the house.

  I’m determined to suck up whatever I have to. Three years… I’ll be fifteen in a few weeks and then I only have to last three more years.

  How bad can it be?!

  Chapter Five