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  “You were right though… you don’t know how to be in a relationship, Sean. And I don’t have the energy to do this with you. I’m an adult and need an adult man in my life… not some overgrown man child whose only reaction when he has real feelings is to create issues that don’t exist with the person he’s dating.” Her eyes are glassy now with unshed tears.

  Wait, what?!

  “You don’t know how to be in a relationship…”

  Is Summer ending things with me?!

  I overreacted because I thought… Oh my God, I so fucked up.

  She doesn’t want Jake. She wants me. And she thinks I just let Danica insult her.

  I didn’t.

  Well, I didn’t say anything, but that’s only because she handled it before I could…

  And she’s breaking up with me?!

  No, she can’t…

  My voice is strangled as I stare at her. “No, Summer… look we need to talk about this.” I look around the darkened stage where roadies are everywhere. They’re boxing up everything so they can unload it again tomorrow and listening intently while trying to look like they’re not paying us any attention.

  Her face is sad as she looks at me. She shakes her head and I swear I stop breathing. “No, Sean. We don’t. There’s nothing to talk about. This… it just doesn’t work.”

  She turns and runs in the opposite direction and leaves me standing in the shadows of the huge stage in utter disbelief.

  Summer just broke up with me…

  I have no idea how long I just stand there, but it must be a long time. The arena seems empty. It’s really quiet back here.

  A presence at my side doesn’t even register until Rafe says, “Sean… what are you doing? Why are you just standing here in the dark by yourself?” My head turns and Rafe blinks as he sees my face. “Sean, what the hell happened? What’s wrong?”

  Summer broke up with me because I fucked shit up like I always do.

  I just drove the only woman I cared about away because I let myself believe that she didn’t want me.

  She’s shown me over and over that she was in this… and I just couldn’t believe it.

  A woman like Summer is too good for me.

  I knew that… I’ve known it all along. But, she cared about me and I cared about her… Hell, I probably love her and now…

  Because I have been scared she was going to leave me all along… I pushed her and she just ended it.

  I can’t tell Rafe all that. So, instead, I just shake my head. “Summer ended things.”

  His face shows his shock. “What now?! Summer broke up with you? When? Why? What the hell?” He stares at me and sighs. “What did you do, Sean?”

  I laugh harshly. “See, you’re my best friend and even you knew that I was going to fuck this up…”

  Chapter Twenty

  Summer

  It’s been two weeks since I ended things with Sean. He keeps trying to talk to me, but I make certain I’m always with one of the girls and they have been told that I am not to be left alone with him under any circumstances.

  If he gets me alone, I’ll cave. I know I will. I don’t have the strength to resist him and no matter what he says, I’ll give him another chance.

  Yeah, because you’re not dying here without him.

  Shut up!

  I see him every damn day. Every. Day!

  It’s like a cosmic fuck you. The man that I’m crazy about and went and stupidly fell in love with is also the wrong man and can’t be what I need.

  Are you sure though?!

  Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

  No, I’m not sure… and that’s why this is sucks so bad.

  I’m clicking a pen over and over as I stare at the piece of paper in front of me on the bus table, though I can’t even see it.

  I was making a list: Reasons why I should give Sean another chance versus reasons why I should hold firm.

  One side is much longer than the other, but the last thing I wrote is staring back at him.

  Because you love him.

  Dropping the pen to the table, I grab both sides of my head and pull the hair there as I groan. “Agh….. Dammit… Son of a fucking bitch… Ugh!”

  A body sits across from me and I look up. Daisy is there with a sad smile on her face. “Hey, little sis. You doing ok?”

  I glare at her. “Do I freaking look ok to you?”

  She chuckles and looks down at the paper in front of me. She nods. “This helping you?”

  Grabbing the pen, I start clicking it again. I look at the offending paper. “No… I know that this is for the best.” Daisy reaches over and covers the hand with the pen. I look up at her. Her eyes, so like mine, show understanding and compassion.

  She squeezes my hand. “Summer. The best for who? You’re in hell. Sean looks like shit. He’s snapping at the guys. He’s being rude to fans.” Her eyes look me over and I know what she’s seeing. My gaunt, pale face with dark circles under my eyes. My hair is also a mess and my lips are cracked from my chewing on them.

  Because you love him…

  She sighs. “Neither of you are happy with this split, so I guess I don’t understand why you’re not together…”

  Why aren’t we together?

  Because he doesn’t trust me… because every time Jake is within twenty feet of me, Sean is watching to make certain that I’m not sending him code signals or some shit.

  Because he let a famous supermodel ex of his insult me.

  Because I love him.

  And that is scary. I love him and he can’t do the relationship the way I know it should be.

  Well, you’re not an expert either, Summer!

  Oh my God… what do I do?!

  Looking up from the blurry paper, I blink at my sister. A tear rolls down my cheek. “I don’t know. I love him, sis.”

  She sighs and squeezes my hand. “I know. But if you love him, what the hell are you doing?! What even happened? One night y’all were making your couple debut and the next night you broke up with him. So, what the hell happened between those two nights?”

  “I figured you’d talk to me, but you haven’t. So, now I’m making you talk. I’m asking you just what the hell happened and went wrong. Did he cheat on you, Summer? Because I can honestly say that I can’t imagine him doing that. He’s crazy about you.”

  No, he didn’t cheat.

  Sliding my hand out from under hers, I resume my pen clicking as I look out the window. We’re in Philadelphia. Tonight we play at Lincoln Financial Field. We aren’t even staying overnight though. As soon as the concert is over, we’re heading to Washington D.C.

  Sighing as I watch the buildings of downtown get closer through the window, I say flatly. “It’s just not right. We’re too different. He didn’t cheat on me.”

  Daisy sighs in exasperation. “Dammit, Summer! You’re being an idiot!” My eyes fly to meet hers as my mouth drops open. I open my mouth to retort, but she holds up her hand. “No, wait. You’re being stupid. You’re my sister and I love you, but right now, you’re acting like a dumbass.

  “You love Sean. I’m almost sure that Sean loves you. He didn’t cheat on you. You wouldn’t cheat on him.

  She sighs again. “This is the first man you’ve ever been like this with. The first man, I’ve ever seen you with where you truly seemed happy. And you were happy. You both were.

  “Something happened and you’re going to tell me what it was. And then, we’re going to pow wow and figure something out because you can’t keep on like this. We’re not even halfway done with the tour, Summer.

  “You’re sad and depressed and you look like the Crypt Keeper.” I gasp in outrage and pat my hair. She laughs lightly and smirks. “I’m sorry, but you do. Brokenhearted is not a good look on you, sis.

  “So either you and Sean are going to figure your shit out or you’re going to find a way to be amiable again. But either way, this moping needs to end.” She points to my list and I look down at it, too. “Seems to me the list is
on Sean’s side…”

  It IS on his side. The Reasons To Give Sean Another Chance is pretty full.

  The Reasons To Hold Firm side only has three entries.

  1- Didn’t step up when supermodel skank insulted me.

  2- Jake issues.

  3- Because I love him.

  Yeah, the last reason on both sides is the freaking same thing!

  Sean

  I’m in Hell. No, I’m in Hell and Satan is torturing me.

  My head is about to explode.

  Fuck that hurts. My head feels like an elephant is sitting on it and pressing it into the concrete.

  Oh my God… it hurts.

  My blackout curtain is pulled back and light hits my closed eyes. It’s still too bright. Reaching out, I swing at whichever asshole opened my curtain and is trying to kill me. My fist connects with air.

  “Damn, dude. You couldn’t hit anything like that. Good thing I’m not a raging psycho trying to kill your ass. You’d be a dead mother fucker.” Rafe laughs and pain shoots through my head.

  “Dear God, shut up… Go away. Stop yelling!” I groan and throw my arm over my face to block out the light.

  He says, “No, I’m not going away. Get your ass up. Open your hand. Here’s some Tylenol for your head. You need to get your ass out of bed.”

  Moving my arm, I squint at him and groan as the light once again hits me in the face from around him. “Noooo. Go away.”

  He snaps. “Get your ass up, Sean! I’m done watching this shit. You want to self-destruct, that’s your business, only it’s my business when it affects me and the band.” I stare at him. He’s pissed. He points at me. “So, get your ass out of this bed or so help me, I’m going to yank you out. And when your ass hits the floor from up there, it’s going to fucking hurt!”

  He means it. He would really yank me out of bed.

  Glaring at him, I snap. “You wouldn’t pull me out of here.”

  He leans over and looks right at me. I can see the fire in his eyes. “Try me…”

  Another voice calls from the door, “Oh, I’ll fucking help him.”

  I mutter, “Fuck, you both.” But I sit up gingerly. Bile rises in my throat and I have to take deep breaths to push it down. When I can breathe without hurling, I glare from Rafe to Xavior. “I’m dying.”

  Xavior snorts. “No, you’re not. But you look like death, pretty boy.”

  Rafe says sarcastically, “Yeah, that happens when you drink a fifth of Jack Daniels by yourself in an hour.”

  I want to flip them off, but I honestly don’t have the energy.

  Rafe holds out his arm. Grabbing it, I slide from the bed. As I hit the floor, the urge to puke comes up again. Rafe sees my face and shoves me toward the back of the bus and the bathroom. “Go, don’t puke in here! Clean out your stomach, shower, and brush your teeth. We’ll be in the lounge.” He stares at me and I can see the steel determination in his eyes. “Band meeting in twenty minutes!”

  I nod jerkily and race to the bathroom before I lose my stomach all over the floor of the bus.

  It takes me about ten minutes to get off the floor from puking. I step straight into the shower and wash the grime of drunkenness off myself. The taste in my mouth is making me gag so badly I’m scared I’m going to puke in the shower again. So, reaching out, I grab my toothbrush and brush my teeth as the water beats down over me. The steam is helping my head a little. Or maybe it’s the Tylenol that Rafe made me take.

  Either way, I’m feeling more human.

  You can’t keep doing this, Sean.

  I know that! I don’t mean to get drunk every night. I just get so pissed when Summer won’t even talk to me…

  I’ve tried to talk to her every day for two weeks, only she isn’t having any of it. We play the song, we do the interviews, we’re in the same room all the time, but she’s never alone. Daisy, Fannie, McKenzie, or Roman are always with her.

  I don’t even have a chance.

  She’s made it very clear she’s done. But, I’m not.

  I’m not done. I’m miserable here.

  I was fine. I liked my life. I had lots of sex with no strings. I moved from woman to woman and my life was good!

  My life was great. Women threw themselves at me. I could have anyone I wanted.

  I still can! Women proposition me every night. I even want to want them… I want to fall back into my old life… it was GOOD! It worked for me.

  But no… No, Summer came into it and we started a relationship. For the first time ever, I was in a relationship and I was happy.

  I was a good boyfriend. I was attentive. I was caring. The sex was fantastic. I had no desire to cheat. Hell, I didn’t even pay attention to other women.

  But, I let Jake get under my skin. And it wasn’t even him. Summer was right. Jake IS a good guy. He’s a hard worker and he cared about her.

  I should have backed off.

  If I’d just let him date her and kept on with my life, I’d be fine now.

  I wouldn’t be in the fucking shower of the bus on the way to another sold out concert with a hangover from Hell and thinking about the woman that left me!

  I’m so pathetic…

  Summer should just talk to me…

  A knock on the door has me calling out, “Yeah, I’m getting out.”

  Rafe must open the door a crack because I can clearly hear him say, “Ok, five minutes.”

  Grabbing the toothpaste from the little ledge, I put more toothpaste on the brush and attack my teeth. It tastes like something fucking died in my mouth.

  Fucking nasty.

  Five minutes later, I’m looking at my reflection in the mirror. I have dark circles under my eyes and my cheeks look a little like Casper, but I look better. The shower helped.

  With one more look in the mirror, I sigh and head out to face the music.

  “Fix it, Sean. Whatever you need to do… fix it.” Rafe says.

  We’ve been back here in the bus lounge for an hour. This was an intervention of sorts. The guys were worried that my drinking was becoming a problem and because they care about me as a friend and a bandmate, they demanded to know what had happened.

  I told them what Summer said when she dumped me. Rafe nodded and said he understood how she would think I wasn’t taking up for her and that in a chick’s view she might have taken that as rejection.

  Xavior threw a pillow at me and snapped. “You’re a jackass. You basically accused her of running around on you with Jake and you know damn well that wasn’t true. Of course she went nuts.”

  Russ even shook his head in agreement. “Right. You pretty much said that you don’t trust her. I don’t know jack shit about women, but even I know that once a chick thinks you don’t trust her or that she can’t trust you… you’re done.”

  I listened to all of them. They’re right.

  I fucked up.

  Finally, I nod. “I want to fix it. I want Summer. But she won’t even talk to me.” I look at each one of them. “I need your help.”

  One by one, they all smile and nod. Rafe chuckles, “I’ll enlist Daisy… We’ll give you the opportunity, but then… it’s all you…” He stares at me…. hard. “Don’t fuck it up.”

  I won’t. This is way too important.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Summer

  We bow while I hold out my fiddle and the crowd roars from their feet at the packed, Lincoln Financial Field. There are several stadiums on the tour and this is one of the biggest we’ve played to. There are roughly fifty-five thousand people here tonight. And they’re all screaming and stomping as they cheer for us.

  We just sang a Britney Spears song for our encore and they’re digging it. I’m exhausted. I want nothing more than to leave, get on the bus, shower, and fall into my bed. Hopefully, I can sleep tonight.

  Sleep is being a bitch here lately. Thank God for good makeup and brilliant make-up artists. Otherwise, I’d scare the audience.

  Finally, Daisy gives the signal for us t
o leave the stage. With a sigh, I pop out my ear piece and wave as I walk off. An older roadie, who’s been with us for a couple of years, is there waiting for my fiddle and I gladly hand it off to him. “Thank you, John! It’s all yours.”

  He chuckles. “It looks much better when you hold it, trust me.” Laughing with him, I shake my head and call out, “Night. I need to get these shoes off and crash.”

  He calls out “goodnight” and then I’m strolling down the hall. Thankfully, we don’t have anything after the concert tonight. We had a small meet and greet before with about fifty people, but it was super quick. The select fans formed a line, we met them, the photographer snapped a pic that will be uploaded onto our website in a few days, and then they were herded out. The entire thing only took like an hour.

  I stop in our dressing room and grab my iPad and LSU hoodie before heading toward the buses.

  Daisy calls to me as I reach the backstage door. “Hey, sis. Wait up.”

  Turning, I see she’s coming down the hall that leads to the guy’s dressing room. “Ok, but hurry. I’m exhausted and ready to get this shit off my face.” I call out.

  She laughs and jogs down to me. “I know. Me too. Stage makeup is the pits.” She bats her heavily made up eyes and says, “But it does make us oh so pretty!”

  I chuckle and snort. “You don’t need makeup to be pretty, fool.”

  Her arm snakes through mine and she locks them. “Neither do you… Normally… that’s not really the case lately, sis.”